Divorced parents find out their daughter is missing from the News; each thought she was with the other. Hate it when that happens. A dad is suing the psychologist who performed their custody evaluation; supposedly she recommended limiting his time with his son. Because he wouldn't give in and let the kid have McDonalds. A cop hacked the NYPD system so he could spy on his ex. Another whack job claims to have converted their life savings -- $500,000 -- into gold which he then threw away. Russia is considering raising the divorce tax by 7500%. (Not a typo.) That's more than the average Russian's monthly salary. A legal scholar looks at ways the Hague Convention might simultaneously respond to child abductions vice mothers and children fleeing domestic abuse.
From the BBC: "They are known as the mule women of Melilla. Everyday they carry heavy loads across the border between the Spanish enclave and Morocco. Melilla is an important entry point for goods into North Africa - and if the women can carry them, they can be imported into Morocco duty-free."
Needless to say, these women are mostly single mothers. Horrible as this is -- just looking at the photos makes me grimace -- it's getting worse; as unemployment worsens, Moroccan men are displacing these 'porteadoras'.
Chinese man sues wife for producing ugly children. Wins.
I wonder if she even thought about this possibility. And where she got 100 K.
What a world.
Blackout Drunk Mom Passes out Breastfeeding and Kills Her Infant
If a man had done this, I'd be all "yeah, see? He's probably a narcissistic, personality disordered sub- human. I bet the mother begged the court to protect their kids from him. Lock him up for life!"
But, since it's a woman, all I feel is sad. How do you live with yourself after something like that?
Look at her eyes.
A two year old daughter of hers had also previously been violently abused by her boyfriend.
Some kids need to be protected from their moms instead of their dads.
In this same vein, this story caught my eye and broke my heart a little while ago; a young father who committed cop by suicide after spending five years in court with his baby mama and losing custody.
"Just 16 hours prior to the standoff, Walker posted a chilling update to his Facebook profile expressing his desire to end his life after he said he lost his son in a custody battle. "I've been going through this battle for five long years, and I'm tired and I've finally given up," Walker wrote. "I quit."
"I can't take [what] my son's mother is putting me through," Walker wrote. "She has filled [my son's] head up with so much false stuff. He has told me I'm a bad father, I'm not a good dad."
You probably wouldn't be reading this is you couldn't relate. If you couldn't overstand.
My seven year old son used to scream, "YOU'RE THE DEVIL AND DADDY'S AN ANGEL!!!! YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL!!!!!"
My daughter asked me if it was true that "Dad had to do everything for us once we were born. You wouldn't change us, or feed us, or hold us or anything?" Somehow, I think the worst part is that he asks them, every time he lies to them about me, "you believe me don't you?" He makes them say 'yes'.
(Also known as stories I hadn't yet deleted.)
A case study in the Journal of Men's Health suggests further research is "urgently needed" to investigate the deleterious effects of divorce on men's health, and urges doctors to refer more men to therapists (we could have told them that, couldn't we ladies?). A buncha Catholics get divorced, but far less than other religions (must be all that kneeling). Jayzuz: here's a story about a missing nurse (who's likely missing because of her ex), and they still refer to their "legal squabbling". What's a murdered woman got to do to get society to see domestic violence when it slaps HER in the face? Amazingly, a deadbeat went to jail for non-payment and refusing to explain where his bazillions went. Guess I'll move to England. But not to Italy, because they're faking British residency to get easier divorces.
Wow. Move to Naperville. Wherever that is. "Attorneys Sandra Young and Brian Garvey have developed an innovative antidote [to decimating divorces] that is believed to be the first of its kind anywhere: “The Weekend Divorce.” "[They book] a hotel conference room for two days and negotiate[e] every detail of the divorce agreement and sign all documents by the time the couple leaves on Sunday. Both attorneys assess a flat fee for their services." This makes so much sense, it's just a matter of time til it's outlawed.
Divorce at the Movies: A.C.O.D (adult child of divorce). Blue Jasmine. What Maisie Knew (this one's from the summer but I just never get over how only divorced parents can apparently ever be irresponsible narcissists).
Weird (and re the first two, hideous) compilation of random stuff showing how the entire planet is out to get women:
Pakistan: Girl crawls out of grave after being raped by two men. Who are not punished.
Kenya: Teenager gang raped, thrown into sewer, crawls out with broken back and life in a wheelchair. Her six attackers punishment: mowing the police station grass.
So, we've got it bad here but not that bad. Except for the taking our children part. But it's Friday so let's go out on a high note.
Hollywood, via Slate: "If real wives were treated the same way as TV wives."
"The video [above]by Jon Bershad does a pretty good job depicting a world where cops respond to domestic abuse complaints the way many viewers respond to the wives of their favorite TV “antiheroes.” But what takes the video to another level are the comments left beneath it. Such as: “People don't think Skylar [sic] is a bitch because Heisenberg is awesome but because Skylar doesnt do anything about it and just bitches,” and “I hate Skylar because shes annoying, not because of anything she does. its the way she says things etc.”
You'll never get to me to stop believing that there isn't an issue in American life about which people are as profoundly stupid as divorce. Sometimes I torture myself by thinking that all this is happening to me as a punishment for what a judgmental, sanctimonious, all-knowing prig I was before family court. Oh, honey, I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, just whose kids should be taken away, who didn't take their marriage seriously enough, and how dare that woman have her baby out so late!
In grad school, there was a guy I hated, just hated. He was a smarmy, fast-talking lowlife headed straight for a career chasing ambulances. The day I learned he was divorced and had an infant from the marriage? I nearly choked on self-righteousness. I actually refused to acknowledge him when he greeted me on campus. I told anyone who'd listen that I simply could not respect someone who was divorced with an infant. No person of good character would 'give up' with a baby in the picture; surely, he bolted when the wife took too long losing the baby fat.
Of course, he was a lowlife and is now gleefully chasing ambulances, but what the hell did I know about his marriage or family? And, how could I know I'd end up getting divorced with a 3.5 year old? And an infant.
What an idiot I was.
And now, I get slapped in the face multiple times a day (I read a lot) with the same kind of venal, know nothing judgmentalism I once so readily dished out. For instance, I was speaking with a liberal acquaintance who is also a state attorney in the family court system. Without mentioning my own situation, I couldn't resist trying to figure out what exactly it is that makes so many of those who make their cushy livings off (prolonging) our misery such asshats.
Tell me, what is it that goes on in those crazy custody battles?
He went from affable and relaxed to disgusted and dismissive in a nanosecond.
I'll tell you what goes on. The parents just don't care!
The parents don't care about what? I just wanted to hear him say it.
They don't care about their kids! I swear to god, he mimed spitting on the sidewalk to signal his disgust.
Hmmm, I said. But what about the judge, the attorneys, the CPS workers? No effect on the proceedings? And it's always the case that both parents are at fault?
His eyes actually crossed a little as he tried to figure out why I was flinging non sequiturs at him.
Huh? Listen, I'm telling you--the parents just don't care!
And this is how one of society's best educated asshats isn't embarrassed to think......
You can hardly read anything (outside of the custody reform community) that wasn't written just so the writer could pat himself on the back for his own moral perfection, whatever else he claims to really be getting at. Every time I read another one, I think, 'sanctimony must feel like multiple orgasms'. So, I'm thinking I'll start sharing these sancti-gasms. Let's ridicule them the way they ridicule us.
Let's start with Diane Medved's op ed "No, you can't get a 'good' divorce."
"Constance Ahrons, who coined the phrase “good divorce,” thinks split families should meld seamlessly, without stigma, into our social fabric."
Without stigma? What are we? Communists? She doesn't mind divorce nearly so much as she minds that she can't form a decent sized lynch mob to ensure that the divorced never know another moment of peace.
"Children, who never have a say in their parents’ parting, become collateral damage and dismissed with the dubious phrase “kids are resilient.”
Really? I begged my mother to leave my father. For years. But, what God had joined together... By the time she finally did when I was 12, it was too late. Of six siblings, only one had a healthy, or even lasting, relationship. It wasn't as if we'd ever witnessed one; all we'd ever seen was that marriage is miserable. All of us sought out, and found, spouses who'd grown up in homes where their parents also hated each other in polite silence.
"Yet a “culture of divorce” has grown as new technologies gave us feel-good instant gratification, demoting the virtues of duty and obligation. ...Marriage pledges are now really “hopes,” easily revised by a Facebook status change. ...Stripped of connection to paternity, marriage has become optional. ...Years ago, tempted cartoon characters paused to consider the coaxing of an angel perched on their right shoulder and a devil on their left. ...[but] our non-judgmental culture greases their paths out the door instead of encouraging deep introspection. ...That angel guy is so old-school, he can’t even text his apologies to the kids whose lives turn upside down."
So...you're a whore if you're not married to your kids' father and iPhones make you get divorced.
What a nation of dumbasses we are.
No Way to Live: Women's Experiences of Negotiating the Family Law System in the Context of Domestic Violence. by Dr. Lesley Laing, Faculty of Education and Social Work, University of Sydney. June 2010. (Apparently, Family Court is the same the world over.)
This report is so dead on, I've been reading it and cackling gleefully at passages like: "Violence against women and children is interconnected. The women had experienced domestic violence both within their relationship and since separation. The domestic violence experienced by the women was severe and multifaceted and was characterized by a pattern of behaviours aimed at exerting coercive control. This type of intimate partner violence is known as “coercive controlling violence” in the Kelly and Johnson (2008) typology. The most frequently reported forms of abuse reported by the women were emotional, psychological, financial, controlling behaviours, using children, “using the system” to abuse and physical violence."
And: "'He just wants to see his children' - a lens for excusing men's behavior. The common belief that children need a relationship with their father, no matter the abuse they have suffered or the domestic violence witnessed, came into play in women’s contact with a range of agencies where it appeared that this provided a lens through which the man’s abusive or inappropriate behaviour was excused."*
The only thing worse than what happens to protective parents in Family Court is the fact that no one can hear us screaming. I just can't convey how validating it is to have the evidence we need to fight for our kids and to prove that we are neither crazy nor merely out to stick it to the ex. What happens in court is so complicated (there's a psychopath involved, remember?) and never ending -- nine years in my case -- it's nearly impossible to explain what is happening to us and why it's slowly killing us. That's why experts like these are crucial.
*On this note, check out Salon's investigation into the prevalence of mother's prosecuted for male violence toward her children. Then check out the comments. Wow.
...just texted away.
From Poor Richard's News: "Texas district Judge Elizabeth E. Coker is stepping down from the bench after being caught engaging in a massive perversion of justice. A whistleblower revealed that Corker was sending text messages to prosecutors with suggestions on questions to ask in court in order to secure a conviction."
Judge Text-a-lot was allowed to resign, in an agreement that went on to say, "that the parties agree that the allegations of judicial misconduct, if found to be true, could result in disciplinary action against Judge Coker.” As a result, the parties sought to resolve the matter “without the time and expense of further disciplinary proceedings.... Coker did not admit any guilt or fault."
Lawdy, where do I begin? I guess they'll need to save their "time and expense" for all those retrials of EVERY CRIMINAL CASE SHE EVER PRESIDED OVER.
But nah, that one makes it's own gravy. Check this one out from good old Family Court:
A Las Vegas news show busted a family court judge and two sheriffs engaging in a truly heinous perversion of justice and misuse of power. This poor woman came to family court on a routine matter, and with her toddler present, ends up searched by a male for "contempt of cop". When she says she's going to press sexual assault charges, in court, on the mike, on camera, and with a judge presiding, she is ignored. The two marshalls (or whatever they are--they have guns!) try to force her to recant. When she won't they arrest her (the charge is 'making false allegations'. We know they're false. Even though they have yet to be adjudicated). Her baby girl goes to foster care. This poor woman is hysterical, but refuses to back down. She's begging the judge to help her but THE JUDGE TURNS HER BACK. LITERALLY.
We, the people, need to get these tyrants under control.