DebraDickerson.com - Blogs - Black Catharsis

My son Dashiel will be 4 in May. He is, you might be surprised to know, quite precocious. He walked at nine months, very unusual, especially for boys. He is extremely verbal -- when I told him the other night that I'd be right back to finish his bedtime story, he said, "Be right back with chocolate milk, Mom." -- and walks around the house book in hand most of the time. He can recite loooong passages from his books on tape -- intonations, sound effects, voice changes and all -- and often passes up cartoons or outside play to 'read' (he's right on the verge). He sits himself down at his little Tiny Tim furniture in his room and gets lost in 'Findng Nemo,' 'A Toy Story,' or the fairy tales I'm (with some trepidation) introducing him to. He tells himself the story and knows exactly when to turn the pages. What writer/book nerd could be more proud.

Versatile to a fault, he's also quite the little personality. He has absolutely no fear of strangers or strange situations. When we visited new frends for the first time, he yelled "Hi!" as soon as they opened the door and headed right up the stairs to the second floor, curious to see what was up there. I turned away from my insurance guy just for a moment as Dash entered the room only to find the baffled suit-and-tie guy buried beneath a pile of my son and his slobbery kisses. I look up from my menu in restaurants to find him being passed from cooing lap to cooing lap at the 'ladies night out' table (always pretty young blondes, notes his black mother not-quite-amivalently). He is total kidnap bait. I can never help thinking: Bill Clinton must have been like this as a child.

Then there's Caldonia, my little riot girl. Two in October. Also walked at nine months (thank goodness. What do you do when there's a marked difference in these milestones?) This chick is such a diva. I have to leave pillows strewn about in her favorite corners so she can drag one out and recline oh so langorously with the bottle she literaly, LITERALLY, dragged me to the fridge for. If I don't she pounds on my thighs, mightily offended, untl I produce one. Chick wears size 5 diapers but will grab me by the pants-knee and frog march me like a Gitmo guard to wherever she wants me to be. I used to chuckle as she pushed and pulled at me. Then I realized that I was actually moving. I can't hold her sitting down, oh no. She grunts and yells and pounds on me until I stand up 'cause sister girl needs to be up high, I'm guessing so she can look down on everyone else. After she's pummeled me into submission, she'll sigh contentedly and nestle into the shoulder she's just pounded. Eventually, this chick is going either to jail or the White House. I can never help thinking: Courtney Love must have been like this as a child. Double gulp.

Gee. Been awhile, hasn't it? What can I say? More personal drama than even All My Children. I can't go into what's been happening with me -- not yet anyway -- but I've finally been able to resume this blog. Stay tuned.

Also, the Philly Mag piece mentioned below will be on line soon, so keep checking.

updated as of 1045 pm: Call and Response, Harmed and Dangerous, Black Thoughts, Post Soul Post Cards

I have an article in this month's Philadelphia Magazine on the achievement gap in a very affluent Philadelphia neighborhood. Sixty per cent of the black kids are failing while the white kids are going on to the best colleges in the nation. Why? Well, you'll have to spring for the bucks because it isn't on line.

Updated as of 6:31 pm EST: Harmed and Dangerous, Down by the Riverside, Black Box, Call and Response, Black and Right, Black Thoughts, Audience Participation, Black Links (Events/Conferences)

I saw Collateral yesterday and embarrassed mysef by sighing in wistful surprise at the sight of Jamie Foxx risking it all for Jada Pinkett. I'm so pessimistic and hurt by the state of open warfare between us, I'd had no idea how much I needed to see a black man and a black woman bond of the level of their shared humanity and human struggle rather than over a petted (and usually overblown) sense of oppression. In 2004, I'm glad to see that some of us are mature and confident enough in our humanity to think about something other than white folks. Having the confidence not to use his blackness as a crutch (or even worse, a hiding place) artistically, Foxx, I pray, will help lead us into actually believing that we are more than the sum of our oppression. And that more is -- simply human and required to prove to others that our art is worthy on its own terms and not just to beat the 'look what you've done to us' drum.

But did I mention how happy and downright fulfilled I felt watching a black man handle his business and see to his woman? Thank you Jamie.

Milwaukee, WI - In response to the current concerns expressed about the lack of inclusion of African-American artists on the commemorative can series honoring the past half-century of rock 'n roll, Miller Brewing Company has issued the following official statement:

Miller Brewing Company sincerely apologizes to the African-American community, to music fans and to our valued consumers for this occurrence. African Americans obviously have played a formative role in the development of rock 'n roll, and despite our efforts, we did not manage this component of the promotion appropriately.

The commemorative cans promotion was one part of a multi-pronged campaign, executed in partnership with Rolling Stone magazine, which includes several events and promotional activities that prominently and proudly feature African-American music artists. Other aspects of the promotion that began in May are:

* An upcoming two-day concert, featuring James Brown, Bo Diddley, Wyclef Jean and Lenny Kravitz, among others, that is the culmination of the summer-long promotion.

* A free guide to this summer's hottest music events, which included a variety of African American artists.

* A digital music giveaway, in partnership with Napster, that included an African American component titled The Summer of Non-Stop Hip Hop.

* Print advertising in Rolling Stone that prominently represents numerous African American musicians from throughout the years.

* A major advertising presence in Rolling Stone's Immortals, Moments and Photos special issues celebrating the history of rock and roll. Rolling Stone is building on its long history of recognizing the pivotal influence of African Americans in rock by featuring many of the most influential African American artists in these issues. For example, six of the top 10 Immortals are African American.

* Print ads in Rolling Stone and African American media around the country, after the New York concerts, featuring the artists who performed and talking about the critical importance of African Americans in rock and roll.

By making the public fully aware of the breadth of our plan, which does include tributes to black music artists, Miller Brewing Company reaffirms its ongoing commitment to the contributions of African-Americans to American culture.

Virgis Colbert, Miller's executive vice president of worldwide operations, said: "We took a hard look at the situation and realize where we fell short. You can count on Miller to step up."

We should be satirizing the narcissism that leads whites to 'forget' the black contribution to rock and roll not acting like its 'another Selma'. Miller should be embarrassed and engaging in some soul searching rather than basically paying us damages for getting caught.

If life was fair and I was writing skits for Saturday Night Live, Martin Luther King, with a hoochie on each knee, would be asking St. Peter "I died for this? So Daquan can look at Bo Diddly's face while he's drinking his forties?"

Here's a link to a piece I did a few weeks ago and have been too disorganized to post. It's about being a black racist.

Oops! I did it again. Here's my take on the latest Negro overreaction to nuisance-level racial high jinks.

Updated today (as of 1:16 EST): Black Box, Black to the Future, Black & Right

Four inmates escape, go on beer run. This is what Bill Cosby meant when he talked about 'knucklesheads getting shot in the back of the head stealing pound cake'. Kneejerk Negroes who are too embarrassed to have any conversations about our problems that in any way involve us, ridiculously interpreted this to mean that it was ok to shoot people for stealing pound cake. An easy, if indefensible, way of changing the subject because God forbid we consider that there are better and worse ways to respond to the realities we face. Obviously, Cosby meant that too many of us subject ourselves to police purview for pathetically low stakes. Like, escaping jail to get beer AND THEN RETURNING. Risking escape is one thing. But risking escape to buy beer?

I grew up with three uncles named Charles, so we called the one who was a security guard Uncle Policeman because when we were kids, we couldn't tell the uniforms apart. Uncle Policeman was always disgusted about having to jack up so many young blacks for stealing bags of potato chips and the like. It's bad enough to be a criminal but a fool, too, who values his liberty and his life so cheaply? Wake up people.

Michael Jackson's may be having quadruplets? I get it. It's the next phase of his philanthropy. He's establishing The Jackson Foundation for the Full Employment of Plastic Surgeons and Child Psychologists.

Updated today: Black Cinderella, Black Thoughts, Black to the Future, Black Ink, Black Box, Down by the Riverside, Black and Right, Reparations, GI Jamal/Jaquita.

Wanna hear me talk? I'll be doing radio from Birmingham, Alabama tonight from 9-940 EST or so.

Urban League, Citigroup Offer Finance Courses to blacks.Why? Shouldn't we just keep trying to sue our way to equality? Why exert ourselves to learn how the game is played, however fair or unfair the game is, why try to jettison bad habits and defer gratification? Some people are soooo racist.

The show should start any minute so I'm trying to (finally) get a few things posted that I've let molder. Check out Harmed & Dangerous and Post Soul Post Cards. I don't know why they put up with me.

I'll be doing the Brian Lehrer radio show tomorrow, from 11- noon. Unless I get booted at the last minute, a la NPR last week. Yeah, still Cosby.

Oh yeah, here's an assessment (NOT AN OPINION PIECE. Sheesh, learn to read, 'readers'.) I did for Slate on him.

I'll be doing Talk of the Nation on NPR today from 2-240pm EST talking about the Negro story of the day, Bill Cosby. The man himself is thinking of doing the show as well. I won't know til I get there, so we'll see.

The ridiculous difficulty of procuring and then paying for health insurance for our family of four finally forced my husband to take job and give up being a self-employed architect. (When it hit $900 a month, we said 'uncle'. There were other problematics, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back). Now, the impossibility of managing our home network may well force me to do the same. It's maddening.

I used to think I shudda been an auto mechanic, given the rates they charge. Now, I'm thinking I shudda been a computer techno geek. I couldn't even get those gomers to my house for two weeks, they're so fat with work. When one finally showed, he fixed the problem with one key stroke, the equivalent of simply checking to see that it was plugged in. An hour after he left (with $80 for 15 minutes on site), I lost my connection again. Now that I'm back up and running, my husband's computer is completely tango uniform (sexist milspeak for 'tits up'). Coincidence? I think not.

Just as many people believe that Janet and Michael Jackson are the same person, I'm beginning to suspect that all the worms and viruses come from the repair/maintenance nerds. So, Mr. Ashcroft -- leave the terrorists alone and let's start monitoring the slide rule and nerd-glasses crowd.

The backstory is as follows: earlier this month, the web site for the Bush-Cheney campaign - the real one, paid for by MBNA America and Richard Scaife - featured a "create your own banner" tool, where you could enter your own slogan and print out your own poster, with the Bush-Cheney logo, and a note at the bottom "paid for by Bush-Cheney'04, Inc." Democrats, of course, couldn't get enough of this. The original sloganator accepted everything, then it started censoring profanity and words like "Hitler," "dictator," and "evil." Nevertheless, many clever folks exploited the sloganator to their own ends before its sad demise only a couple of weeks after its birth, and its mourners assembled some of the best for the slide show.

Updated today (as of 4:25 pm EST) : Black Cinderella, Down by the Riverside, Black Ink, Black Box, Harmed and Dangerous, GI Jamal/Jaquita, Black and Right, Reparations, Black to the Future

The Reagan legacy: He was a true believer who moved the country divisively to the right. But compared to the current president, Ronald Reagan looks like a moderate."

Not Even a Hedgehog: The stupidity of Ronald Reagan. "Not long ago, I was invited to be the specter at the feast during "Ronald Reagan Appreciation Week" at Wabash College in Indiana. One of my opponents was Dinesh D'Souza: He wasn't the only one who maintained that Reagan had been historically vindicated by the wreckage of the Soviet Union. Some of us on the left had also been very glad indeed to see the end of the Russian empire and the Cold War. But nothing could make me forget what the Reagan years had actually been like."

I'm going to trademark the words 'million' and 'march' so no one can ever, EVER use them again.

Million Worker March set for October. "Can labor organize an independent mass mobilization to address the broad range of problems facing the multinational working class here? Though many hurdles need to be overcome, the answer being given is a resounding "Yes!""

A Neighborhood of Their Own. "ONE century ago this June 15, Philip A. Payton Jr. realized his dream. For four years he had been working hard to place black families in apartments in Harlem, an area recently developed as an upscale, whites-only neighborhood. He had enjoyed some success, but nothing approaching his goal of making it home to the city's growing African-American population. So on that day he established the Afro-American Realty Company with a simple mission: erase the color line in Harlem and make lots of money in the process."

Why do I get so criticized for pointing out what all the generations before us knew: one fights oppression with proactivity, not by begging your oppressor to 'pretty please' stop. Segregation was real and Payton, duh, decided to turn it against itself and get rich in the process. Ancestors like him would be appalled at how lost we are today.

"The reality of low-income black Americans falls far from Cosby's criticism."

Cosby's recent remarks are nothing shocking: the afrostocracy has been criticizing its more ghetto cousins for decades."The old maxim warns us to beware of priests who lose their faith but keep their jobs. By that logic, a whole lot of alleged spokespersons for black people should've been unemployed a long time ago. In the wake of Bill Cosby's now-famous Pound Cake Speech at the NAACP Legal Defense Fund's dinner commemorating the Brown v. Board of Education case, the comedian has been praised by white conservatives and black folk at large for essentially keeping it real. For airing dirty laundry. For saying in public what your uncle Bobby has been saying behind closed doors for years.
But hold on. Before you fix your mouth to sing Cosby's praises, consider this: the fact that some black people make similar comments in private does not make them any more accurate when they are spoken in public."

Perhaps not, Dr. Cobb (whom I know and respect), but it does make them a conversation that this community needs to have. That's all some of us are saying. Hard to kill something that can't be acknowledged whether that something is the 'niggers' who embarrass us afrostocrats (?) or whether that something is the black boogeyman we blacks help keep alive.

Both of them take people to task for boneheaded moves. So how come one is funny, the other a sellout? "Why are people piling on Cosby when Chris Rock and others say the exact same things?"

For an added bonus, check this paragraph: "No, I'm not a neo-con. But I know first-hand that what Bill Cosby discussed at that gala is the truth. I leave the neo-con mantle to Debra Dickerson, Armstrong Williams, and the handful of other black "journalists" whose high profiles prove that blacks who regularly condemn the pathologies of other blacks, while ignoring the history that makes such behavior possible, are valuable commodities in the world of Big Media. (I wouldn't mind some of their cash, but I'm sure as hell not going to go there to get it.)"

How'd you like to be minding your own business, procrastinating on-line while you children go hungry and happen up on this? Welcome to my world.

a) 'neo-con': notice how throwing that word out does all the work for you. It's never defined. It's just an all purpose insult one need neither explain or defend. All blacks must be liberals, right? Silly me, I thought I was free. I'm a little slow, so help me think this through: when whites try to control me, it's called racism and white supremacy. What's it called when Negroes do it? I did a radio 'panel' with Elaine Brown, the former Panther Leader. How the mighty have fallen. She did the same thing, just started listing names ('you're just another Dinesh D'Souza, Clarence Thomas, ...'). No need for an actual argument when name calling will suffice.

b) She sneers that I'm a 'journalist' but doesn't explain what's lacking in my body of work. Ms. Alexander, I'll show you my CV if you'll show me yours. Right now I'm reporting on pieces for Philadelphia Magazine (black-white achievement gap) and Mother Jones (alternative sentencing initiatives). I spent an entire summer recreating the life of a young black prison inmate. I spent four months in a housing project to report on a gang truce. Et vous? Another column 'reported' directly from your comfy armchair?

c) "I regularly condemn the pathologies of other blacks"? When? Where? Why no quotes? The crack reporter couldn't even be bothered to google me and find out that I have a website chock full of Uncle Tommery. She wouldn't even have had to do her own research. Not that she would (as this proves.)

d) I "ignore the history that makes such behavior possible"? Methinks that, like nearly every Negro who criticizes me, she's only heard of me and, being a liberal and therefore all-knowing about things Negroid, doesn't need to actually read me. All we neo-cons are the same, just waiting for the white folks to send us the words to put our names to. If she'd perused The End of Blackness, she might have noticed nearly a hundred pages of "the history that makes such behavior possible." It's right up front 'Journalist' Alexander. I took serious heat for (lengthily) criticizing whites in a book meant as an intracommuncal critique and it didn't do me a damn bit of good with the kneejerk, no-nothing ossified black left. I forgot that they never read anything they don't already agree with.

e) Notice the tiresome conspiracy theory -- I'm successful because I tells Massa what he be wontin' tah hear. No, I'm successful because I'm good. Damn good. Better than you, Miss Alexander? We can't be sure til we compare bodies of work, so, please, lets.

f) "I wouldn't go there to get [the millions we sell-outs make from Whitey]. Oh dear. When will these kind of Negroes grow up? Tavis Smiley makes the odd buck and I doubt Ms. Alexander questions his Negritude. People read me, Ms. Alexander. Black people as well as white. (I guess they didn't know you'd disapprove.) You and I both know that's what determines the ducats you can command in the marketplace. I should have cc'd you on the HUNDREDS of emails I received (not to mention the third printing my book is now in.)

And by the way, you did 'go there'. You agreed with the 'neo-con' line of Rock and Cosby and Williams and Dickerson. But, oh yeah, you innocculated yourself against following your argument to its logical conclusion with your by-the-intellectual-numbers diatribe against the ideological underpinning of the very point of your column.

This is a complete waste of time, but I was already procrastinating (I have a great many deadlines Ms. Alexander. I'm a busy little 'journalist'.)

Holden posthumously frees York. "Gov. Bob Holden posthumously "freed" the only black member of the Lewis and Clark party, calling the recognition of the slave named York "long overdue." Ya think? Yeah, and Old Massas Lewis and Clark can posthuously empty their own bedpans. Thanks for nothing Governor. Ahm sho all de white folks feels better nah.

I thought I had seen egregious ass-kissing and piss poor journalism aplenty, but this takes the cake. If you didn't know better, you'd think old Snoop was Pat Boone. (You know you're in for some serious BS when an article about him begins with the word 'insightful').

Insightful Barks from Snoop Dogg. "Snoop Dogg is one of the most beloved rap artists around town. He's got a cool profile with youngsters and adults around the world. Pleased with his work (as a captain who's afraid of heights) on Soul Plane, Snoop is 100% behind this hilarious comedy from newcomer Jessy Terrero."

In the trade, this is known as desperately trying to gain entree behind the velvet rope. Somebody's trying to make it into the in-crowd by some serious celebrity sucking up. Get a real job!

I have to agree with Stanley Crouch on gangster rap but I didn't know that Daniel Boone was its father.

For young black men, rap's lure is false. "Gangster rappers are not what they seem. They do not represent "black culture" any more than the Mafia represents Italian-Americans. Ignorance of the Afro-American tradition is their specialty. .....

These young black men assume that the anti-intellectual stance and the misogyny that they hear screeching from rap recordings is purely black. It is not, by a long shot. It has, in fact, nothing at all to do with Afro-American thinking, which has been focused on education and honest self-betterment since the end of slavery.

...The worst of the early figures in American popular art appeared between 1833 and 1856, in fictional tales growing out of the life of Davy Crockett. Like a gangster rapper, this folklore character had no sense of fairness and fought without any rules other than winning. This Crockett also bragged himself into exhaustion. He opened the way for rappers when, in an 1837 story in "Davy Crockett's Almanac" he said, "I can walk like an ox, run like a fox, swim like an eel, yell like an Indian, fight like a devil, spout like an earthquake, make love like a mad bull, and swallow a n----- without choking if you butter his head and pin his ears back."

So when you next see some gold-toothed Negro strutting with a microphone, cursing, bragging, expressing hatred for women, realize that he is not doing anything black at all. He has fallen for the lowest version of white culture and, like the ignoramus he is, has absolutely no idea about his roots at all. Just like Davy Crockett, he should be wearing a coonskin cap."

Actually, I'd thought Jim Croce invented gangster rap. Remember 'Bad, bad Leroy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town. Badder than old King Kong. Meaner than a country hog." And whatever you do, don't tug on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind, don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger and you don't mess around with Jim." Cuz they're all OG's.

'VEST' MAN SHOT DEAD IN CONEY ISLAND. "A bulletproof vest wasn't enough to protect a Coney Island man who was gunned down early yesterday morning inside the elevator of his housing project, police said."

BRITS EYE ANTI-FAT LEVY ON FAST FOOD. "Britain is considering imposing levies on fast-food firms to fund sports facilities and combat obesity, the government said yesterday."

If we tried that here, we'd raise a hella lot money pdq. We could probably wipe out that pesky deficit overnight.

Where I live in upstate NY, with its long, cold, aint-no-way-in-hell-I'm-going-outside six month-long winters, eating appears to be our official state sport. Fat people everywhere.

I remember coming back from two years in Korea in late 1983 and just marveling, dumbstruck, at all the fat people (and all the black people too, but that's another story). Only the old women are fat there and they aint very. But now, nearly 20 years later, its an obesity epidemic here in the good old USA.

Hey, I'm on a diet and if I can do it (did you know there are 616 calories in a martini!) anyone can. Two weeks in, I'm 4 pounds down. Only about two hunnerd left to go. I finally had to admit that after two back to back kids (in my 40s!) and no time to work out, I was round as a Buddha and had two closets full of clothes I couldn't wear. When will the rest of us wise up?

Updated today: GI Jamal/Jaquita, Harmed and Dangerous, Black Links/Conferences, When Statistics Speak, Black Box, Reparations, Help Wanted, Black Ink

Con Reagan: What Reagan Got Wrong, Ronald Reagan, Party Animal, Reagan's Liberal Legacy

N.A.A.C.P. Is Denied University Chapter. "The president of the N.A.A.C.P., Kweisi Mfume, has criticized a decision by Catholic University not to recognize a chapter of his group.

"It is outright discrimination and intolerance all rolled into one," Mr. Mfume said on Friday outside the campus and surrounded by about 20 activists and student chapter leaders from other universities.

He said it was the first time in decades that a university had not allowed a student chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. He threatened to sue."

I'm as down with Brother Kweisi as the next Negro, but I can't help but laugh when I picture the expression on his face. "They said what! Do they know who we a--- You said 'NAACP', right? Did you mention Thurgood? Brown v. B--- Maybe he thought you said 'NWA'. Show me how you said it."

If I were a NAACP member, I'd be screening my calls. This is one protest march I think I'd skip.

Selling to Poor, Stores Bill U.S. for Top Prices. "Federal and state officials are expressing alarm about the proliferation of food stores that cater to low-income people but charge more than other grocery stores, thus driving up the cost of a major federal nutrition program. Federal and state officials are expressing alarm about the proliferation of food stores that cater to low-income people but charge more than other grocery stores, thus driving up the cost of a major federal nutrition program.

The program, the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children, or W.I.C., helps feed 7.7 million people each month by providing vouchers for infant formula, juice, eggs, milk, cheese, cereal and dried beans. Now a growing number of stores are selling only to W.I.C. families, accepting only the government vouchers, not cash, for payment.

About 47 percent of all babies born in the United States each year participate in the program."

Enron's Awesome Cynicism. "Tne energy trader gloats about cheating "poor grandmothers." Another suggests shutting down a power plant in order to drive up electricity prices. A third, hearing of a fire under a transmission line that caused a power failure, shouts "burn baby, burn." Another says that he would like to see Kenneth Lay — then Enron's chief executive — wind up as energy secretary in the new Bush administration."

Updated today: GI Jamal, Black Cinderella, Black Thoughts, Black to the Future, Black Ink, Black Box, Black Links/conferences, Black and Right, Harmed and Dangerous

'Plagiarist' to sue university. "The student claims the university was negligent
A student who admits down-loading material from the internet for his degree plans to sue his university for negligence. Michael Gunn claims his university should have warned him his actions were against the regulations."

My husband was attacked by a crazed idiot on our property. According to the police, we had to have a No Trespassing sign posted. Otherwise, y'all are correct in assunming you can come on our land and throw bricks at my husband's head (which is what happened) while his back is turned. So, wives listen up: be sure and tell your husbands that they can't have sex with 'that woman'. Men, be sure and tell the UPS guy to keep it in his sexy brown uniform.

Healthy Expansion of 248,000 Jobs Is Reported for May. "For the third consecutive month, employers added workers at a rapid rate, the government reported yesterday, suggesting that healthy job growth will sustain the nation's economic expansion through at least the fall."

Black Job Loss Déjà Vu. "In July 2003, Mary Clark saw a notice posted by the time-clock at the Pillowtex plant where she worked: The plant was closing down at the end of the month. The company would be laying off 4,000 workers. "They acted like we were nobody," she said; Pillowtex even canceled the workers' accrued vacation days. Clark had worked at the textile plant in Eden, North Carolina, for 11 years, inspecting, tagging and bagging comforters. By 2003, she was earning more than $10 an hour.

Clark's unemployment benefits don't cover her bills. Because Pillowtex had sent her and her coworkers home frequently for lack of work in the final year, her unemployment checks are low, based on that last year's reduced earnings. She lost her health coverage, and now she needs dental work that she cannot afford.

In the 1970s, a wave of plant closings hit African Americans hard. Two generations after the "Great Migration," when millions of black people had left the South to take factory jobs in Northern and Midwestern cities, the U.S. economy began to deindustrialize and many of those jobs disappeared – in some cases shifted to the low-wage, nonunion South."

"DUI arrest for 'Ties' actor Bonsall, 22. He was arrested early Friday by police who said they saw someone vomit out the passenger side window of his car. Asked how much he had to drink, Bonsall responded, "Plenty," then failed a roadside test."

Candid Ludacris minces no words: "Rapper on the FCC, revealing videos, Bill O'Reilly."

Allow me to summarize: Ludacris is an ig'nent low life. Articles like this one are the equivalent of that scene from Salvador (about the military dictatorship established there in 1980) where the vapid American journalists are asking the violent-thug dictators 'who they'll win the women's vote."

"Reagan’s health said to have deteriorated: Former president, 93, has Alzheimer’s disease".

As I resist the urge to diss the dying President, I have to wonder: if America was being prepared for the impending death of Bill/Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, or Al Sharpton, WWACS (What Would Ann Coulter Say)?

2) Alzheimer's is too good for Hillary 'Hate her, hate her, wouldn't wanna date her' Rodham. Why couldn't it have been the plague which swept through Europe and so mostly killed white people and since liberals hate white people, especially themsmelves, that's what she should have died from. The fat cow.

3) Here's hoping the so-called Reverend 'Al I want for Christmas is Affirmative Action' Sharpton has fun playing his race cards in Hell with all the other liberals and swarthy types because the Devil won't give in to that the way we longsuffering, sweetsmelling, totally innocent white folks who are alive do.

3a) I hope Satan has enough time to put out the flames and get rid of the pitchforks before 'Al, Al, I'm Tawana Brawley's pal' Charlatan arrives if he doesn't want to be accused of racism.

"O.J. Simpson complained Friday that the media have convinced the public he is guilty, and he said he hopes the real killer is found so that he can have the pleasure of proving people wrong."

Not the pleasure of knowing that justice has been done or that now the wife he claims to still love can finally rest in peace. He wants the 'real' killer caught so he can say 'told ya so! nyah nyah! I'm rubber, you're glue America!' Funny how he loved the media when it was making him a star, but now...

Vrooooom: MTV's 'Pimp My Ride' Soups Up Cars and Fuels Ratings. "Krissy Miller freaked out when she opened the door to her Huntington Beach apartment. Xzibit, a rapper with tight cornrows and wearing a throwback San Diego Padres jersey, was about to repo her car -- temporarily. The host of MTV's unexpectedly popular reality show "Pimp My Ride," Xzibit has, for the past three months, been helping such down-on-their-luck twenty-somethings get a fresh start on the road to adulthood with a brand-new, grand G-ride.

Miller, who had sent an e-mail to the show's producers, knew she was a finalist to be picked for the show. But she did not know what to expect when a producer told her someone was coming out to see her.

"I was totally, totally surprised," she says. "I just lost it. I felt I was going to cry. . . . Good things like that don't happen to me."

"Pimp My Ride" is a makeover show. But instead of presenting a couple with a new living room or turning an ugly duckling into a beauty queen, Xzibit and the mechanics at West Coast Customs trick out broken-down Hondas and scrap-metal Fords with shiny chrome rims, radioactive paint jobs, asphalt-thumping sound systems and video game consoles."

How does Xzibit keep from getting shot when those MTV-watching white kids first spy his unexpected "tight cornrows" in their crib? IN their crib. Inside. Wiggers my ass. I bet homey has to 'temporarily repo' those cars with full police escort. How much do you 'spoze MTV has to pay him to delete the n-word filled screams of terror his 'guests' let loose at sight of him? I'm guessing that the producer's announcement that 'someone' was coming to see the lucky winners wasn't something they thought of right away. I'm sure the announcement was really "someone is coming to see you. Don't shoot, ok? He has a good job. He won't rape you and murder your whole family. Really." Likely, Xzibit was the second or third brother to host this show. The others' surviving families have probably gotten nice pay offs to keep quiet.

No skin off my back, though. Anyone who uses thos tiresome misspellings just to let the world know they're black and therefore cooler than you deserves what he done be gettin, yo?

Did White Teacher Spit in Black Student's Face?
You know the difference between me and Hazel Trice Edney, who wrote this cover story? I hope the white teacher didn't spit in the black student's face. Having read this very, very lengthy story, approached with all the seriousness of Watergate, I have to suspect that Ms. Edney hopes she did. I also have to believe that she hopes the white teacher did it because the student is black. I hope its because she's an awful person.

A Leap of Faith, By BOB HERBERT, NY Times. "Remember the name Barack Obama. You'll be hearing it a lot as this election season unfolds.

Mr. Obama, a Democrat, is tall, thin, youthful and very smart, and he's running (sometimes literally, depending on the schedule) for a U.S. Senate seat from Illinois.

He's got a million-dollar smile and he's charismatic. At the moment he has a substantial lead in the polls. If that lead holds and he wins in November, he'll be only the third African-American to take a seat in the Senate since Reconstruction.

His partisans describe Mr. Obama as a dream candidate, the point man for a new kind of politics designed to piece together a coalition reminiscent of the one blasted apart by the bullet that killed Robert Kennedy in 1968."

Today seems to be stereotype day here at Annotations (see first entry today).

Those are just four of the 66 wince-worthy lines the Miami Herald printed last week about shopping at Flea Market USA in Miami-Dade's Liberty City. You know Liberty City. Lots of black people there. Black people rap. Makes sense to cover the flea market in jerky meter and lame rhyme, no?" From the Miami Herald.

My husband is really cute. Last night, he instigated a very serious talk about our son's education. He's worried that he'll be so far ahead of all the other kids, he'll be bored in school and underachieve for lack of sufficient challenge. We have to start saving for private school.

Dashiel is three. He's militantly not potty trained ("I'm gonna poop in my diaper forever, Mom!"). He joyfully drags his 8 month old sister around by the arm, insists she's a 'he' and thinks his toes are called 'piggymarkets' (you know, from the song.).

I thought I was the parent most likely to bore the whole world with my children's brilliance. I certainly am the overindulgent one. More than once, I've surprised myself whispering conspiratorially to Dash "Here. Don't let Dad see you eating this candy for breakfast." He's usually much tougher with the kids. Whew. Glad I'm not the only one who can't see straight where my babies are concerned.

"CIA Director George J. Tenet has submitted his resignation and will leave the agency in mid-July, President Bush announced today. Bush and CIA officials said the resignation was for personal reasons. The CIA officials denied that Tenet quit or was pressured to leave because of criticism of U.S. intelligence over the failed search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq or missed clues to the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist plot." From the Washington Post.

This is why I could never be in politics. I have no poker face. If I'd had to say those words aloud, I'd be snickering so hard there'd be snot bubbles.

The Black Boogeyman's Reign of Terror Continues or, Can Anyone Join in the Racial Stereotyping or Is It Just a White Thing We Wouldn't Understand?. Here we go again. A(n apparently Hispanic) couple in Atlanta killed their toddler and tried to pin it on '4 black men in a van', according to the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

I suppose if you're busy killing your helpless child, disposing of her tiny, two-year old body and contemplating a long prison stretch, originality is too much to ask. Let's see, we've had a white man (Charles Stuart), a white woman (Susan Smith), and now a Hispanic couple brutally murder someone with whom they share DNA and blame it on the most believable suspect ('cause white folks are much, much less likely of violence). Come on, Asians! Since we're talking in sterotypes here, shouldn't you model minorities with your cunning minds and stratospheric grades (not to mention hordes of multigenerational family to help lug the corpses) be able to actually pull off murdering a helpless loved one and pinning it on those bestial blacks? Show America how both family-cide and racial railroading are done! Let's see you bust that curve, too.

Hey fellow citizens -- why not try accusing those '4 black men in a van' of embezzling funds, insider trading, raiding pensions, despoiling the environment and saddling the nation with debt that our great-grand children will still be paying off. That would be novel. But not quite believable, eh? It would be delicious fun to watch the investigation that wound engender. Would whites want to live in a world where blacks were both able to acquire and demonstrate the requisite skills and, more frighteningly, the requisite access to commit 'white' crimes?

Black comedians own this territory. I forget who it was (Chris Rock?) who quipped: "black folks will knock you in the head and steal your ride or your TV. White folks steal your future." The sadly underrated (so underrated she has no website to link to) Cheryl Underwood satirized this racist notion best: "Aint no black man going to steal somebody else's kids. He don't even wanna take care of his own."

I turned 45 recently (I just typed that and I still don't believe it) and yesterday, had my third mammogram. This is a fairly lengthy, exceedingly annoying process which gives one waaaay too much time to think whilst trying not to scream. What I thought about was---my own mortality. And how I've thought about that every time I've had to try to be brave while very sensitive body parts are REPEATEDLY pincered with the equivalent of space-age pliers.

At 35, in 1994, I was in law school (hence, the nerdy legalisms), had just had my first mammogram. I had also just begun to write. Little did I know then that my silly little school newspaper column was the beginning of a new career. Here's what I published in May of 1994. Imagine, I felt old at 35. Life is so freaking unfair.

On April 16, my warranty ran out. The instant I turned 35, all my body parts became suspects in a conspiracy to slowly, but inexorably, kill me.

All the warning sirens sound for a woman at 35. Especially one who hasn't had a child. Why is that worse? Call me crazy, but since I'm not married, avoiding pregnancy seemed sensible. Story of my life--damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Actually, I shouldn't feel so suddenly besieged by my body. It's been turning on me slowly for some time now. I place the initial warning at about 28, when I got my first mystery pain. For two days, my left arm was too sore to use. The doctor found nothing, just dispensed Tylenol and congratulated me on being right-handed. The pain subsided and I didn't think much of it. Younger then, I was still unaware of the treachery of which the human body is capable. It fired a warning shot across my bow as a courtesy and began laying the groundwork for my gradual decline. An unexplained twinge here, quarter-inch of fat there, a smidgen of lung capacity lost from smoking during Reagan's first term. Soon, you're grunting to get out of a chair and manage to hurt yourself just stretching before a workout.

A societal warning light that I largely ignored came even earlier, at 25. I wore makeup then and noticed sneaky little ads and products aimed at "over 25 skin". I remember wondering what the hell that meant. Is there "over 25" shaving cream? Richard Cohen, in the Washington Post Magazine, once wrote that men age better than women. Bunk. Men and women age in exactly the same ways: thinning hair, thickening waistlines, wrinkles, sagging pecs. The difference is that its acceptable and natural for men to age and much less so for women. A wrinkled, gray man is `distinguished', `rugged'; a woman needs surgery and French hair dye. I always notice that at black-tie TV events, many men wear glasses. Virtually none of the women do. Are there any male equivalents to `crone' and `hag'?

Sexism notwithstanding, the war against me is largely medical and the formal indignities have begun: a "baseline" mammogram. After 17 years of pelvic exams, I thought I'd bottomed out on the indignity continuum. I was wrong. Basically, a technician drags your breasts across a room and gets mad if you try to follow. I told her that my 34Bs were only going to get her just so far, but she was adamant. Finally satisfied with the circus freak-like pose she oragami'd me into, she smushed `the girls' (as I like to call them) into a vise much like the one Bugs Bunny used on Elmer Fudd's head. She tightened the machine's grip on my favorite erogenous zones and hissed, "Don't breathe". No worries. If I'd had any breath left in me as I vogued, pinned and flattened like a science project under a microscope, I'd have used it to scream. At least I didn't come out of it with Madonna cone-breasts.

You can't avoid doctors though. Over the last few years, I've developed one annoying health problem after another. I stay in shape, but I've definitely felt myself slowing down, searching out elevators, accepting rides, nursing injuries. I realized I'd changed for good when I bored my teenaged nephew with the old saw about the two bulls. He was wasting energy washing a car without a hose, carrying a bucket back and forth.

"From atop a hill," I intoned sagely, "a young and an old bull watched a herd of cows below. The young one says, `Hey Dad. Let's run down and make love to a couple of those cows!"' The old bull replies, `Son, let's walk down and make love to all of them.' I waited for enlightenment to dawn on my nephew's face but there was only polite patronization of his aged aunt's clear dementia and severe un-hipness. Concerned, he got me a chair and some water. At that moment, I knew I'd crossed a line, developmentally speaking. I may not be old, but I'm no longer young.

I've accepted my decline and taken to cataloging the sins and offenses of my various body parts like the slow-moving old ladies blocking the [grocery store] aisles to compare operations. Blood vessels: first degree hypertension. Requires two pills a day, yearly cost of $432. Lungs: felony asthma. Requires a $22 inhaler the use of which makes me look like a complete nebbish. Feet: misdemeanor flatness. Require frequent elevation, immersion, and $47 orthopedic inserts which only fit into old lady shoes. Endocrine system: misdemeanor hypoglycemia. Gives me `the bends' if I go off prescribed diet. Reproductive system: attempted murder and fraud. I'm screwed for reproducing, screwed for not reproducing. Breasts: felony terrorism--matching time bombs.

For all my complaints, I wasn't really bothered by turning 35 until a "friend" described me as "pushing 40". What have I accomplished, am I as mature as I should be? Should I still be filing the 1040EZ? Is it seemly that I own a pair of green construction boots and fishnets?

On the plus side: I turned 21 in Air Force basic training, a college drop-out; 26 at Officers' Training School with honors as Wing Commander; 31 in Turkey as Chief of Intelligence; and at 36 I'll graduate from Harvard Law School. Achieving my goals is the flip side of aging, I guess. It's pretty hard to do one without the other.

"Justice Department Will Investigate Emmett Till Case: After initially declaring that it did not have authority to investigate the 1955 death of Emmett Till, a 14-year-old African-American who was beaten, shot in the head, and thrown into the Tallahatchie River near Greenwood, Miss. for allegedly whistling at a White woman, the United States Justice Department reversed itself this week and announced that it will work with a District Attorney in Mississippi to see if further prosecutions are warranted."

I think prosecutions of this type are very, very useful in helping both blacks and America generally (the world, even) come to terms with the past. Much more useful, I think, than a strict call for reparations or any quest aimed solely at picking the magic number of dollars that should change hands. What we need is a truth and reconciliation process, not money per se, and I'm coming to reject my annoyance at the growing list of states and localities requiring inquiries into companies' past dealings with slavery. I saw that as just the undignified scrounging to total up the bill for my ancestors incalculable suffering. But now I see that it is the only way America will ever be forced to look itself in the eye and move past amorphous, passive voice, pseudo-, fingers-crossed-behind-the-back apologies for the past. The same with the reparations lawsuits, which I at first opposed as aiming at the wrong problem. Blacks speak of money because we don't have the courage to admit that what we want is a full reckoning, an acceptance of responsibility and an apology dammit. And most of all, we want whites, having accepted their culpability, to treat us like family. But, we always have to front being so militant. Its our way of whistling in the darkness of our shame and bitterness. Remember Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder in Stir Crazy trying to hang in jail ? "We bad, we bad!" when we really lost and demoralized.

DuBois understood this when he lauded, in The Souls of Black Folk, the Yankee schoolmarms who flocked South to teach the freedmen: “This was the gift of New England to the freed Negro: not alms, but a friend; not cash, but character. It was not and is not money these seething millions want, but love and sympathy, the pulse of hearts beating with red blood;-a gift which today only their own kindred and race can bring to the masses…the contact of living souls.”

I agree. What we need from whites is not cash but the character required to look themselves in the mirror and admit to what they see there. This blacks will also have to do; slavery and racism were far, far from one-dimensional, uncomplicated simple tales of white evil. We have to find a way to get past the past and move on to a harmonious future. No simple exchange of money is going to do that.

"Black Soldier from N.J. Linked to Iraq Prisoner Scandal: Sgt. Javal “Shawn” Davis, 26, is part of the first group of soldiers facing a court martial for their role in the prisoner abuse scandal in Iraq. Davis is the only black soldier to be accused in this case so far." Ok, so I need to take my own advice. I was hoping none of 'us' would be implicated even though I know that such thoughts are both racist against whites and dehumanizing of blacks. We are no more, or less, human than anyone else. No more or less prone to abuse power, no more required to be better than others because of our history of oppression. He's just an individual who, I have no doubt, was raised better than that. How will these folks ever face their families, let alone their country.

All together now: innocent until proven guilty, innocent until proven guilty, innocent until...he got a taste of power over some 'niggers'?

Morbid much? Hearse that owner says carried MLK up for auction on Internet. The 1966 Cadllac-Superior Funeral Coach was listed on the eBay auction site Thursday night and will be available for 10 days.

Don't you just hate it when the truth slips out? Check this from Bill Cosby who was in DC on Monday to celebrate the Brown v. Board 50th anniversary. According to the Washington Post,

"Bill Cosby was anything but politically correct in his remarks Monday night at a Constitution Hall bash commemorating the 50th anniversary of the Brown v. Board of Education decision. To astonishment, laughter and applause, Cosby mocked everything from urban fashion to black spending and speaking habits.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal," he declared. "These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids -- $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.' . . .

"They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English," he exclaimed. "I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' . . . And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk. . . . Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. . . . You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!"

The Post's Hamil Harris reports that Cosby also turned his wrath to "the incarcerated," saying: "These are not political criminals. These are people going around stealing Coca-Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake and then we run out and we are outraged, [saying] 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand?"

When Cosby finally concluded, Howard University President H. Patrick Swygert, NAACP President Kweisi Mfume and NAACP legal defense fund head Theodore Shaw came to the podium looking stone-faced. Shaw told the crowd that most people on welfare are not African American, and many of the problems his organization has addressed in the black community were not self-inflicted."

I'm not saying this is 'truth' in the literal sense necessarily but 'truth' in that this critique is frequently heard in the black community. People like Swygert, Mfume and Shaw have to front that all our problems are exogenous when blacks are both more ambivalent and more nuanced in their analysis of the community's problems. They just don't usually cop to it in front of the Washington Post and a national audience.

"In odd lawsuit, Columbus man argues blacks should not owe taxes. [Odd? Odd? How 'bout 'dummb ass'?] COLUMBUS, Ga. - The Internal Revenue Service is being sued by a 64-year-old man who argues that black taxpayers deserve a refund on all taxes paid since 1913.

William Wright, a black attorney who says he has endured racism all his life, filed a lawsuit this week in U.S. District Court in Columbus, naming the IRS and federal government. He seeks $25,000 in taxes he's paid since 1963, plus a refund for all taxes paid by black people since a tax code was passed in 1913.

"I think African-Americans not only need tax refunds for all that period of time, but also a moratorium on taxes, too," Wright told the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer.

Wright makes his argument based on a phrase in that 1913 law that applies to "citizens and aliens." To Wright's thinking, blacks are neither "by reason of the denial of basic rights of citizenship." From the AP.

First things first; he paid $25K in taxes in 41 years? I'm guessing homey may not be the world's best lawyer, which may go a long way in explaining why he has the time (and double digit IQ) for such a ridiculous lawsuit.

Black people, when are we going to walk away from this sick, twisted, undignified and life sapping obsession with white folks? There was a time when I'd be embarrassed for us when silliness like this reared its pathetic head. Now I'm just embarrassed for him, a sad, lost individual, not a sad, lost black person.

Cosby 'truth-gate' update: "Beloved comedian Bill Cosby wants black Americans to follow the example of civil rights leaders in improving their neighborhoods and reaching out for higher education." Was the Miami Herald's reporter at the same event?

Is she the last 'first black'? "Miami-Dade County lawyer Marcia G. Cooke was confirmed Tuesday as the first black woman to become a federal judge in Florida, after Democratic and Republican lawmakers reached a truce in their election-year political war over judicial nominations."

Is there anything left to be the 'first black' at? Pretty soon, it'll take a whole paragraph to find some meaning in 'old school' blackness, the kind that can only understand itself in opposition to whiteness, the kind of blackness that cannot define itself in its own terms, from its own point of view. First black man with one leg to..., first black women who used to be a man who..., first black high school student who dropped out, got a GED, and then went to college who... . Here's one to shoot for: last black person who thought that being descended from African slaves defines her current reality and was the only interesting, motivating thing about her.

US Soldier Sentenced to One Year in Abuse of Iraqi Prisoners. But see this in The New Republic: AMERICA'S ABU GHRAIBS. In Iraq, Abu Ghraib is an outrage. In Texas, it'd be a typical prison. So think we'll be seeing soem good ol' boys go to jail here? I do not believe I'll hold my breath.

South Africa, Ten Years Later
After a decade of democracy, the South African struggle continues. Increasingly, today's activists are fighting on smaller fronts — and sometimes against the ANC itself...."Many of us didn't have a teenhood," says Paulus Julies, who works for the ANC as a regional organizer. "We didn't date or write love letters, or play rugby, all the things that a kid in their teens do. We were sitting in meetings, planning, picketing. A big part of your life was taken over. You'll never that get that time back."

Haiti Update XI: Rebuilding
Haiti's problems extend beyond race politics. They are essentially socio-economic.

The Jesus Landing Pad: Bush White House checked with rapture Christians before latest Israel move. From the Village Voice.

Florida leader to present work on African Americans in SBC life. From the Florida Baptist Witness.

Commentary: Black-on-Black Youth Crime is Overlooked by Our Leaders "Read these names: Marcus McLain, Alexander Brown, William Thomas and Andre Mellerson. They were the four black boys shot on the grounds of Randallstown High School — located on the outskirts of Baltimore — last Friday after they left a charity basketball game.Now forget the names. It’s not as if they’re really victims. I mean, it’s not as if anybody white, or a cop, shot them." Gregory Kane, of the Baltimore Sun, is a tad ticked off and telling the truth all over the place. Check this out.

Proof that scientists are just racists. They actually want us to believe that black children's educational problems are not all the direct result of racism. "We found that watching television before the age of 3 increases the chances that children will develop attentional problems at age 7...The study appears in the April issue of Pediatrics.Experts estimate that between 4 percent and 12 percent of U.S. children may be affected by Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Many parents may believe their children are just "born that way," but the home environment can also play a key role in the development of the disorder"...

Liars. For this to be true, it would have to logically follow that there were actions blacks could take to achieve their stated desired outcomes, whatever white people were up to. That couldn't possible be, ergo, science, I mean 'science', is nothing but racism with big words.

re: Rice's testimony before the 9/11 commission, I was intrigued by her response when Sen. Kerrey made a slip of the tongue and referred to her as "Dr. Clarke": "I think, sir, with due respect ... I don't think I look like Dick Clarke." Hmmm, let's distract everyone's attention away from my job performance by alluding to my race and gender. That will weaken and flummox the white men interrogating me. It worked when Clarence Thomas bellowed about a "high-tech lynching," even though his accuser was a black woman. It should work even better if I'm more suave in my delivery.

Here's my take on National Security Advisor Rice's fate at tomorrow's 9/11 Commission inquiry. It won't be pretty. It's in the LA Times. Props, btw, to blackcommentator.com's analysis of a few days ago. It was reading this piece that led me to write this op-ed (as well as lift two of their examples).

William Hung: Racism, Or Magic? From the San Francisco Gate. Here's the Village Voice's take on Hung. A sister was getting tired; let the Asians run the race war for awhile.

Shouldn't they just sue and demand to be given the money? "M.B.A. students at HBCUs compete for $22,000 in start-up capital as part of a business plan competition." Fom blackenterprise.com.

The Hiphop Cop: A Tale of NYPD's Rap Intelligence Unit "By 1999, the perception of an increasingly violent rap industry and Parker's acumen resulted in his becoming a one-man rap shop. "There was a lot of resentment and a lot of problems with me leaving to go and work with these other units in the police department," he says. Parker recounts that after he had made a presentation on Hiphop and its connection to gang culture at a police convention, then-chief of police Louis Anemone pulled him aside. "Anemone said, 'Look, Derrick. I'm going to have to put you in this unit, under the Gang Intelligence Unit.' He goes, 'Your unit doesn't really have a name. You're just going to be under Gang-Intel, but your specialty is going to be the rap music industry.' "

We have officially overcome. My latest needlecraft supply catalog (yeah, I sew, knit and crochet. Wanna make something of it?) boasts 'hip hop jaquard' yarn. What's next? 'Hip Hop' ice skates? 'New Jack' gingerbread?

"When songstress Josephine Baker visited Argentina in the 1950s she asked the biracial minister of public health Ramon Carillo, "Where are the Negroes?" to which Carillo responded laughing, "There are only two — you and I."

"Scholars have long pondered the "disappearance" of people of African descent from Argentina, long considered South America's "whitest" nation. A 1973 article in Ebony asked, "what happened to Argentina's involuntary immigrants, those African slaves and their mulatto descendants who once outnumbered whites five to one, and who were for 250 years 'an important element' in the total population, which is now 97 percent white?"

One history book calls the country's lack of self-identifying black people "one of the most intriguing riddles in Argentine history," while another notes that "the disappearance of the Negro from the Argentine scene has puzzled demographers far more than the vanishing Indian." Was the Afro-Argentine community annihilated by disease and war, or absorbed into the larger white community?

Of course, whiteness itself is relative. Many Argentines who proudly consider themselves white come to America and are shocked to find that in American racial discourse they are considered "Latino," "Hispanic" or vaguely "Spanish," and not white. Says Paula Brufman, an Argentine law student and researcher, "Argentines like to think of themselves as a white nation populated by Europeans. I was surprised when in the US, people — especially Latinos — told me I was not white but Spanish."

'Cause the black divorce rate isn't already high enough: "Family Digest, Black America's No.1 family and relationship magazine - announced that they are giving away over $3,000 in FREE gifts to EACH adult who registers and attends the Bid Whist World Championship and Family Fun Weekend being held in Las Vegas July 1-4, 2004". To get info and register, go to here.

Here's a review of The End of Blackness that completely misses the point. Again. One needn't accept my detailed arguments, but a reviewer might try something unusual like engaging with them. I'm so bored with the 'blacks/whites are not a monolith' point. Of course they aren't, a point I make repeatedly throughout the EOB with phrases like "blacks who do this," and "whites who do that". By the way, if I'm not describing you, why would you think I'm talking about you? (Answer: because I am describing you, just like the black men who deemed Waiting to Exhale an attack on all of them.). I thought I was talking down to anyone who'd read a serious book by making such obvious points, but I guess things just can't be simple enough for some people. Once again, I 'give institutional racism carte blanche' -- why no mention of the 70 pages I spend vivisecting white racism?

Gotcha! White racism, for the purposes of this discussion, is irrelevant. The main point of the EOB is that the existence of racism in no way negates our responsibility to handle our business but, in fact, requires that we do so. I wouldn't have needed to write a book about responding to racism if there was no racism. They focus on the racism because it allows them to stop thinking about what our response to it should be. In the EOB, I focus on the response. I laid out very specifically what I was up to in this book -- black identity and action plan in a post-movement environment -- but the kneejerks want me to spend all my time kissing blarney stones and not making them look bad to whites (by talking about bad black behavior. As if it's invisible.). Simply stating that 'white racism is irrelevant', ever irrelevant, allows the mentally squeamish to stop thinking. To them, it's the same as saying 'there is no white racism.' Nothing like a good straw man to defeat. You push certain people's buttons, and you push the off switch to their brains.

But of course, this is the kind of pseudocriticism the intellectually lazy, the intellectually challenged and those with hidden agendas make. That kind of 'review' writes itself, leaving the wannabe, mentally retired intellectual to chortle over his word counter. Would Williams make those critiques of The Souls of Black Folk or The Mis-Education of the Negro? They speak in the same terms, which is why I modelled the EOB on them (as well as The Culture of Narcissism). They're what inspired me to write it this way (the anger and smart alecry were my own). OK, now I have to waste everyone's time saying, sigh, that I'm not comparing myself to them. I'm trying to live up to them. You know what's saddest about that? It won't make any difference. The tiny brains will be shocked! shocked that I dare compare myself to the greats.

Now that that brilliant, space-filling observation is out of the way, let me say that, eventually, I'll archive all the interviews, reviews, articles about the EOB here on the site and let those with brains and backbones figure out who's an intellectual thug and who isn't. This is far, far from the worst EOB review. Usually I just make fun of them in emails with friends, but his prissy embarrassment over the lesser Negroes than he ("I've never felt any pressure to promote O.J.'s innocence, to call a sister a ‘ho’, to mate indiscriminately, to wear pantyhose on my head in public, or to dumb myself down to sound cool") plucked my last nerve this morning, even though he proves several of the EOB's main points. For instance, that too many bougie blacks despise 'the niggers' every bit and perhaps more than any Klansman.

By the way, the silly review ran on a very well done Negro-centered, Denver-based site which I've added to my black links page. It does much of what I intend to do with this site. Except for publishing 'reviews' like Williams's.

Reissue of `Little Black Sambo' Stirs Controversy from the Orlando Sentinel.
"Once upon a time, when she was a child, it was the only storybook in which Jackie Perkins recalls seeing a character who looked even remotely black.As an elementary schoolteacher in Orange County, Fla., she remembers reading the story to her students, because in the 1960s, storybooks with black characters were rare.As a mother, she came to see the tale of the little boy and the four hungry tigers as an affront. She couldn't bring herself to read her children the story that begins: Once upon a time there was a little black boy, and his name was Little Black Sambo. And his Mother was called Black Mumbo. And his Father was called Black Jumbo.

"I thought whatever had a black character in it was a good book," says Perkins, 72. "I grew up between (teaching) school and my children. `Little Black Sambo' was not a book that I wanted my babies to identify with. I never read it to them."

But thousands through the years have read Sambo to their children and hold cherished memories of the story. So much so that Helen Bannerman's ``The Story of Little Black Sambo'' has never been out of print since its publication in 1899.

Indeed, it was never the narrative that incensed black readers but rather the characters' names and the pickaninny pictures often paired with the text.Now, Handprint Books has revisited both the enduring literary work and the classic clash over racism in literature, in general, and in particular, Sambo's polarizing past."

One event that made me want to marry my husband took place in the Union Square (Manhattan) Barnes and Noble. Coming back from the ladies' room, I heard his booming baritone reading a children's story aloud. Not reading. Declaiming, Olivier-style. "Ham," I thought, knowing this had to be for my benefit. (He wanted five kids. I wanted zero.) So he'd set himself up for a Kodak moment surrounded by adoring children, eh? But when I got there, there wasn't a child in sight. He was all alone, practising reading to children he didn't even have yet. The brother wore me down. When our son was born three years ago, I found the perfect Father's Day gift. I connived with his stepmom to track down (a very expensive) copy of The Real Story Book, circa 1927, his family's all time favorite kid's book, the one only Dad read to them. When the last of the wrapping paper came off and he saw what it was, he cried.

As we settled in later to read to our drooling infant, my Spidy senses started to tingle. I checked the Table of Contents. Bingo! Page 88. Little Black Sambo.

The husband does what he alwys does when I get black on him (he's white). He went deaf and became fascinated by every page in the book except the ones from 88-91.

I let it go and have never brought it up again because I don't want to tarnish such a viceral childhood memory for him. Nor do I ask if Dad read that one to them. (Of course he did. Who knew better then? It was in all the kids' book I read back in the day.) We've kept the tradition alive that only he reads to the kids from that one (I haven't settled on a signature story yet). Near as I can tell, he doesn't read that one. I now think he should. Just not quite yet.

I think he should read them Little Black Sambo for the same reason I have a mammy memorabilia collection, hideous though those figures are to me. I have an especially ugly, very heavy "Jolly Nigger Bank" that I lugged around Tuscany and all the way home again when I saw it in Florence. My husband despises the collection so that one of our worst fights was over where todisplay it. I think it very, very important for America to face itself in this regard and equally important for blacks to face these images and defuse them of their power to hurt. Blacks have to confront this fun house image of itself and realize that it says nothing about us and everything about whites and racism.

So when the time comes, Little Black Sambo will come to our house. When our children are ready for him.

What America needs is a ban on black shoe polish. Blacks decry GSU fraternity: Protesters complain of slur, threaten boycott of school. Tempers continued to flare at Georgia State University on Thursday over a racial incident that happened at a fraternity party in January.
From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

The call came on a Wednesday afternoon. The sergeant said, "I've got an inmate here, he's crying, he reports that his father died."

I told the sergeant to send him over to Mental Health and thanked him for calling. I notified my colleague Tiffanie, who, helpful as ever, offered to sit in with me. Grief counseling is never easy, but in prison it's worse than God-awful. None of the comforts available to mourners are available. They can't hug their family. They can't even cry.

An officer escorted the inmate to my office. Upon arrival, the inmate was too distraught to speak. Sobbing, he handed a newspaper article to Tiffanie and I. "That's my father," he cried. According to the article, his father left the scene of a "hit-and-run" accident. Unfortunately, the article was so poorly written it was not clear whether his father was dead or wanted for killing another man. Our first task, then, was to find out whether his father was dead or alive. I phoned the sheriff's department hoping for the best. I got the worse.

The newspaper account had erroneously labeled as "hit-and-run" what was actually leaving the scene of a one-car accident. "He is dead," the sheriff's detective assured me. The detective explained that after rolling his car over on Saturday night, the deceased left the scene and walked into nearby woods. The detective received a missing-persons call the next night, and a full-scale search--with dogs, boats, and helicopters--was initiated. Two days later, the man's body was found floating in a pond.

When I told the inmate his father was dead, I thought it couldn't get worse, couldn't get sadder. It did. After crying his eyes out for at least 5 minutes, the inmate concluded, "There ain't gonna be no funeral for me to go to. He died four days ago. He [must be] buried already."

Desperate to reassure him, I offered, "He hasn't been buried yet. They just found him last night." Wrong answer.

"He was alone in the woods all that time!" he cried. Me and my big reassuring mouth. All we could do at that point was watch the inmate cry again, and then listen as he explained the horrifying way in which he found the article he'd brought to us. "A dude was reading the paper, and he knew I came from that city, so he asked did I know the dude that died."

As the chaplains handle all arrangements for inmates to attend funerals or viewings, we asked the inmate if he wanted to speak with a chaplain. He did. As we accompanied him to the Chaplain's office, he asked me a question I've come to dread: "Do you remember me, Mr. Schwade?" revealing himself to be yet another incarcerated kid from the juvenile "training school" I'd worked at.

I recognized "Fifty-Four." "You've gotten much bigger," I said. He was, it seemed, pleased to have found at least some continuity among the grown-up men in his life. The chaplain took it from there, and Tiffanie and I returned to our offices in Mental Health where we consoled each other.

The next day, a more comprehensive article on the tragedy was published. As I read it, outrage joined my sadness. Those emotions are nearly constant companions in here. On Saturday night, the deceased dad was driving his wife and free children. They were heading home from a reunion. He "had been drinking at the reunion" and became angry as he spoke about a confrontation he'd had at the reunion. He began swerving from lane to lane when the car overturned. Nobody else was seriously injured, but he was knocked unconscious. After a few minutes he arose and wandered into the woods.

The State Highway Patrol responded to the accident. The sheriff's department was quoted as saying, "Highway patrolmen who responded to the accident searched the area Saturday but could not locate [the deceased man]." How in good conscience do you stop searching for a man with a head injury who wandered off into the woods after dark? Two years ago a car crashed into a field near my house at 1:00 a.m., ejecting the driver. I began searching for the victim, and was later joined by the County Sheriff's Department and the Highway Patrol. We didn't stop looking until the dazed man was found stumbling a mile away.

It gets worse. "The man's two adult daughters, [I've deleted the names], returned to the field to search for their father but say they were asked to leave by the property owner." Doesn't get much crueler than this, does it? Fortunately, the grieving inmate is not aware of these facts.

In anger, I wonder whether his father died while the highway patrol troopers who abandoned him were driving the roads trying to decide whether to harass blacks or Mexicans (as one local court has found), or whether the man died later, after his daughters were banished by the property owner. Was the father abandoned, and were the daughters banished, because they were black, or poor, or poor and black?

I've known the grieving inmate, "Fifty-Four," since he was a boy. I know his record. I know all the terrible things he's done. I also know that he's never done anything nearly as cruel as the troopers who abandoned a man with a head injury wandering around in the dark woods, or the property owner who would not allow a man's daughters to search for their father. But he's an inmate and they are free.

>>JOB: Executive Director, Seattle African American Museum

The Urban League of Metropolitan Seattle (ULMS), an established 501 © 3 organization, seeks applicants for the position of Executive Director for the Seattle African American Museum. The Executive Director will work closely with the Museum Advisory Committee, the Board of Directors, dedicated staff and volunteers to develop 15,000-square-feet of an historic building into the Seattle African American Museum. There is opportunity to implement artist studios, workshops, exhibition galleries, a black box theater, reception area, and gift
shop. The Interim E.D. will be expected to:

* Instill a sense of confidence amongst staff, board, donors, foundations, and community leaders in regard to the continuing operations of
the museum. For more information, contact Sarah Hiller at 461-3792 ext. 3020. Email address is shiller@urbanleague.org >>

Just what Chicago needs, rhyming headlines: "A Jackson eyes Sun-Times: Jesse's son, with partner, joins bidding. Yusef Jackson, the Rev. Jesse Jackson’s No. 3 son, is making a play for the Chicago Sun-Times. ...The Sun-Times’ appeal to a financial or strategic buyer is less than it is to a bidder like Mr. Jackson, who could instantly transform the city’s No. 2 daily into the nation’s only major mainstream newspaper owned by an African-American. With a weekday circulation of 482,000, the Sun-Times is the 13th-largest paper in the U.S."

Why Study Black Studies: The Status of the Discipline in the State of New Jersey

FRIDAY, MARCH 26TH, 2004 8:30 - 1:00, The Richard Stockton College of New Jersey, Townsend Residential Learning

Description:This half day conference (and reception) brings together faculty, students and local educators in the State of New Jersey to examine the various curricular offerings in the field of African American Studies. It focuses on the challenges these programs face in their efforts to educate the public about the history and culture of African Americans. In a series of panel discussions, participants will be engaged in discourse with the academic leadership responsible for the development of the discipline, as well as scholars who accept responsibility to deliver on core areas of knowledge. In addition, attention will be f ocused on how local educators and students are enriched by these program
offerings. In light of the recent passage of the Amistad legislation in the State of New Jersey requiring local educators to expand upon their teachings of the Black experience in America, this conference also raises a fundamental question: How ready are we for Amistad?

1. The Leadership Challenge: Maintaining and Enriching African American Studies Programs.
2. Core Areas of Knowledge in the Discipline: What Are Our Teaching Imperatives?
3. African American Studies from K - 12: Program Articulation with Local School Districts.
4. Within the Classroom and Beyond: Our Majors and Minors: What Students Want and Need.

Closing Comments: Teacher Training and Re-training: Are We Ready for Amistad?

The conference is open to African American Studies faculty, administrators
and students free of charge. Registration is required. Local educators can
register for CEU credits at www.ettc.net.

Name:___________________________________
Institution:___________________________Address:_________________________________

City/State/Zip_______________________
Telephone:____________________________e-mail__________________________________
Mail to: African American Studies, Richard Stockton College, PO Box 195, Pomona, NJ 08240.
E-mail: pat.reid-merritt@stockton.edu., or fax (609) -748-5559. More info: (609) 652-4609.

Saying the Unthinkable

A Book By Its Cover? I will admit to being addicted to American Idol, the spectacle of caterwaulers who simply cannot understand why three experts who have devoted their lives to pop music inexplicably won't 'put them through' to stardom. Now, I don't want to call any names, but as the contestants' families were shown reacting to each performance, I couldn't help being reminded of Redd Foxx's observation that if you follow an ugly person home, somebody ugly will open the door.

Who knew that Foxx was also an amateur genticist?

My good deed for the day: Blogging very glamorously from my local Starbucks, a man at the next table stopped at mine on the way back from ordering.

"Nice computer," he said amiably.

"Yeah? It's OK." I was confused. It's pretty beat up. I have to avoid both the letters 'm' and 'r'. They stick. Spilled beer probably.

"Are you a Christian?" he asked, swooping in like a pelican who just sighted poor little Nemo.

My cluelessness filled him with joy. He leaned in like I was a ham sandwich and he was on Slim Fast.

"Is Jesus Christ in your life?" he nearly drooled.

Oh. The computer comment was a conversation-starter, the evangelistic equivalent of 'what's your sign?'.

I just looked at him, waiting for the silence to become unbearable so he'd take his intrusive rudeness and go away. But of course not. The more uncomfortable, the better for him, the greater his terrible suffering, being so holy in such a sinful world.

"IS Jesus Christ in your life?" he grinned with the joy of self-righteousness.

"We are not having this conversation," I said and resumed typing.

He went away with flamboyant humility. But only for a second.

He came back waving a newspaper of some sort.

"Could I just ask you to read something I wrote -"

"No, you could not and you are very, very rude. Whether it's Amway or Jesus, you are obnoxious," I said.

He bowed himself back to his table where he and another Torquemada in training exchanged significant glances that confirmed my fully paid fare to Hell and theirs to Heaven. Just look at the price they paid for their belief.

So, I'm waiting for a Thank You. I helped them achieve the average American's favorite status -- faux victim without any of that pesky actual victimization. I just love this notion that Christians are oh so persecuted and disfavored in America. You say 'persecuted'. I say 'ill mannered.'

What's so bad about class warfare? The Black Politburo is right. I am a sell out. I must be because I just spent the last few minutes cheering David Brooks, of all people. But, hey, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Check out his New York Times op-ed on how much BS we Americans shovel around about our 'classless' society when the truth is we're worship our aristocrats as fervently as any Brit kowtows to their Queen.

I read recently in the New Yorker than when the British Navy discovered a cure for skurvy, they couldn't get the superstititous old tars to eat it until they let them "overhear" the officers raving about it. Then the bootlicks fell all over themselves to get it -- the British equivalent of the 'white man's ice.' Closer to home, during the Watergate turmoil, my uneducated but nonetheless brilliant mother knew from day one that Nixon was guilty. Her analysis: "Never elect a poor man to anything or give him any power. He'll spend all his time stealing and messing with folks 'cause he aint used to having nothing. Rich folks, especially the ones born rich, they can concentrate; they're used to power."

David Brooks has nothing on my mom, but it's a good column nonetheless.

Imitation of Life: "David Chang, the creator of Ghettopoly, the game that caused black folks to flip their lids last year, is suing Hasbro, the makers of Monopoly.
Hasbro, which makes Monopoly, filed ...suit to stop the sales of Ghettopoly, claiming trademark and copyright infringement." From the EUR Report.

Why weren't we told how to contribute to his legal defense fund? Surely he knows that if he's going to be 'black' he's going to need one of those.

Iron Mike Tyson will perform community service for one of his many brushes with the law (who can keep track) at Gleason's Gym in Brooklyn. "The plan, said [Bruce] Silverglade, is not only to have him work with the younger kids boxing. "It is also important he talk to them about the hard lessons he has learned over the years," said the gym's owner. "I can't think of anyone who has gone through the highs and lows he has in his lifetime." EUR Report.

Hmmm. What might those lessons be? Yeah, yeah I know how rough Mike had it. But so did lots of people and we don't forgive them for brutalizing (literally) just about everyone they encounter. The jokes are just too easy with Mike, but let me offer a prophecy: the older boxers at Gleason's will abet Mike in his self-pity and blame-shifting and the kids (probably all male) will get another lesson in male privilege, misogy and the strategic uses of violence.

Word to Miss DuPree: Even though I took a (deserved) shot at him in The End of Blackness, I love the Tom Joyner Morning Show. I never feel as 'black' as I do when I'm listening to it. It's like being back in the neighborhood. I'll write more about why some other time.

I think of Miss Dupree because yesterday when I was looking for something to actually eat in my crowded pantry and cupboards, I was struck by how many huge, huge quantities of .... stuff we have that we'll never possibly finish. Did y'all see that excellent Bernie Mac episode about him shopping obsessively at the big Sam's/Costco/BJ's type box store? Well, I really related to that because we do the same at my house. I have enough instant cream of wheat to feed the 8th Infantry. Too bad it turns out none of us like it.

So, Miss Dupree, I always worry that you'll run out of material for coming up with the lucky numbers. So, just to have your back, here's a freebie: Count the number of 20 gallon drums of (fill in the blank...olives, peanut butter, toilet tissue etc)....

All I ask is a shout out, Tom.

Black Like He Never Was: You must check this out; brother has his DNA tested, finds out he's no brother of mine.

Which, of course, leads me to: Top 11 Reasons To Suspect You Aint Really Black

11) You instincitively added the word HALLEJUAH! at the end of the last sentence and corrected the 'aint'.

10) 'D. Whiteman' is your favorite Tom Joyner regular.

9) You fantasize about OJ making 10 cents an hour on laundry detail in Folsom.

8) You come up with annoying nicknames for everyone.

7) You can only bust one move, the played out Cabbage Patch.

6) You think the macarena is a real work out

5) You're that guy who always messes up the Electric Slide.

4) You think audience participation is unnecessary at the movies.

3) You expect a sister to get in the shower with you when she just got her hair ~~did~~ done.

2) You expect a sister to go camping, skiing, climbing up or jumping off of anything with you.

and the Number One reason to suspect you aint really black......

1) You're the guy who starts the drunken New York, New York chorus line at the office Christmas party and does the robot all night.

All I ask is a shout-out Dave.

Codewords, anyone? Check out these ethnic tassel dolls. Are they black, hispanic, Sikh, Chinese...what? All that matters is that they're not white, that's all you need to know. Once we know they're not white, what difference does it make what they are?

February 26, 2004

Size-ism Works for Him: I just received a nasty little email from a 'gentleman' who took issue with my use of the word 'midget' on the Bill Maher Show last week. His email was condescending, insulting, threatening and meant to intimidate. It ended with his promise to 'out' me on some appearance he's making somewhere to discuss the plight of Little People, the term he prefers. I told him to take a hike. Why?

Why not? If you want to give a lecture, become a professor. If you want to give sermons, become a minister. If you want to trot out your sanctimony with no fear of hearing a counter narrative, send more silly, self-righteous emails like that one. But if you want to have a conversation, if you're looking for converts rather than heretics, then try considering the notion that those of us of normal height don't spend much time thinking about the preferences of those who are not. I'm not justifying that. I'm just saying it's true. I never thought much about the life of the disabled until a relative ended up in a wheelchair for life. Now, if someone blocks a curb cut or parks in a handicapped spot, I stage a one-woman protest. Now, I can SEE the disabled and how a world built for the upright consigns him to a life of ....(you fill in the blank. I don't need new enemies).

But this guy, he's not trying to build bridges, he's not trying to point out our blind spots, he doesn't actually want to change things for Little People. He just wants to feel ever more victimized. He just wants to have lots of oppression anecdotes to tell on camera. He doesn't want equality. He wants to be superior.

On the back of my new book, The End of Blackness, instead of the usual blurbs, it just says this: Does Racism Work For You? It's exactly this kind of 'please don't throw me in the cabbage patch' opportunism of which I spoke. Size-ism works for him. Gives him lots of reason to feel abused.

If some reasonable Little Person (now that I know that's the correct term) wants to have an actual conversation about this, drop me a line and I'll post it. But, if you forget your home training, I'll forget mine, too. Otherwise, I'd be infantilizing you because you're small, wouldn't I?

Please include a discussion of these questions in your conversation:

a) what is the significance of this new Marry a Little Person reality show to this issue?

b) was Bill Maher on to something when he asked the panel whether it was harder to be black or "a midget" in America. If so, what? (Maybe he said 'little person'. I don't remember and I don't watch myself on TV.) As I recall, I couldn't answer the question.

February 25, 2004

It's a C-O-N-Spiracy: Why else would a brother, Air Force Colonel Will Gunn, be put in charge of defending the Guantanamo detainees accused of terrorism? Here's 2004's leading contender for understatement of the year: "What I would bring to the table, I belive, is that I could divorce myself from concern about career advancement..." (From The New Yorker). Let's all say a prayer for the brother.

Rock the Vote's First Black President...er, make that R&B The Vote (March 2004 Essence): 31 year old Jehmu Greene, daughter of Liberian immigrants, now heads the non-partisan L.A.-based group that has signed 3.5 million voters between 18 and 24 since 1990. The organization has a $10 million budget and a staff of 12. She's helping RTV organize presidential debates and a 25-city bus tour that starts in June. Only 32% of voters last presidential election were in that age group so sis has her work cut out.

February 23, 2004

Now I know why Aaron Magruder dogs her: in the November 2003 Savoy (which I just received. No wonder they went belly up.) Vivica A. Fox (lest she be confused with Vivica B. Fox) is dating 50 Cent, he of the many bullet wounds and misogynist rap lyrics.

Let's just cut to the chase. I always thought she was coarse and a very poor actress, but this takes the cake. I'll let the hood rat speak for herself.

Vivica on dating a younger hoodlum (and, inadvertently, on being an ovarian traitor): "Geez Louise! If he's 25, who cares? It would be different if I looked 40."

"So how does she reconcile her new beau's misogynistic music?" Savoy asks, knowing full well she isn't smart enough to see what she's doing to herself. "It's just lyrics," said the rocket scientist and feminist pioneer. "It's a form of entertainment. ...I don't take it personal," she said as she looked for her long lost grasp of basic grammar. And the kicker ladies and gentlemen: "Plus, Vivica likes a man with a little bit of thug in him." Vivica would, woudldn't she? As one comedian said of that song "I wanna roughneck," "in a minute, she'll want a restraining order."

"Did she devote any pillow talk to urging him to squash his much-talked-about beef with Ja Rule? "Ooh no" she says quickly. "I don't get involved in that. I hope that peace comes. But you must let men be men."

And silly 'itches be silly 'itches.

of her recent divorce, "I just didn't want to be married to him anymore. That doesn't mean I went into some long depression for a month." Long? A month?

Finally: "Don't hate. Congratulate. That's all I ask."

Shoulda held out for a brain and some class V.

A Rove by Any Other Name? President Bush likes to give nicknames, we're told. Shows how down to earth and approachable the trust fund baby is. Last I read, he named two White House pool reporters Stretch and Super Stretch. I'm thinking, they're both tall. But one's taller than the other, see?

Thought I'd see if I could manage such succinct summations of the obvious. Lessee....